Guided practice
Give the reaction ninety seconds.
Take your hands off the keyboard. Save the draft. Let the message wait while you find the purpose.
Stop. Save the draft.
1:30
Practice paused.
Separate four things.
- Fact
- What could another person or a document verify?
- Interpretation
- What am I concluding about motive, intent, or meaning?
- Feeling
- What is happening in my body and emotions?
- Outcome
- What do I want this message to accomplish?
Read it as a neutral third party.
- Is every factual statement accurate and necessary?
- Have I separated what I know from what I assume?
- Is the tone firm without being inflammatory?
- Is my requested outcome clear?
- Would I stand behind this if a neutral reader saw it?
- Did I check recipients, attachments, dates, and deadlines?
- Is this high-stakes enough that I should get advice first?
The gray-rock pause—with limits.
If you feel yourself about to blurt something out, Shaun sometimes uses a quiet internal cue: “I am a gray rock.” Stay present enough to listen. Say only what is necessary. End or postpone the exchange appropriately if you safely can. Then write down the facts while they are fresh.
This is Shaun’s personal communication tool—not a method from Finding Peace at Work, not a universal conflict strategy, not a safety plan, and not a substitute for reporting or legal advice.
Calm enough that the facts can be heard. Precise enough that a neutral reader can follow.